It can happen to any marriage regardless of the couple’s age, or the length of time they have been married, or the level of love they have for each other. There is no configuration of human emotion or domesticity that can ensure against what by now seems inevitable: the spark of passion being extinguished from a marriage.
No one intentionally allows it to happen. No newly married couple believes it could happen to them. It comes as a shock every time. And if you think it can’t happen to you, think again. You are a prime candidate for becoming the next boring marriage statistic.
It’s not really your fault. It is just the way life is. Life goes in stages. Infatuation and declarations of undying love are but one of those stages. But no one can live in that stage and manage all of the rest that life demands.
Attracting a mate is one of the early stages. But eventually, the priority shifts to building a nest, producing offspring, providing security, and so on. Even so, a mature relationship is not the same as a lifeless relationship. Here are a few simple ways to inject a little life back into your marriage:
Add Luxury to the Ordinary
It doesn’t take long for married life to settle into the ordinary. Routine is how we count the minutes and hours to the next day, next month, next birthday, and next anniversary. And while routine can be boring, it is absolutely necessary.
Even gifts become routine. You gave flowers before and they were well received. So you gave them again, and again, and yet again. You don’t have to stop giving flowers because they have become routine. Flowers also become a part of your long-term story. But every now and then, just add a touch of luxury to the gift.
When you send luxury roses, it is an entirely different experience. From the box to the card to the exotic colors and styles, luxury roses add a whole new dimension to an ordinary floral gifting occasion. So keep giving flowers and other routine gifts. But from time to time, add luxury to the experience.
Why settle for date night when you can have date week? Sure, you can go to the movies, go to dinner, go to wine tastings, or even find a carnival. But all those fun-filled events still amount to one night
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with date night. But it’s been played out for many people, seldom putting the real spark back into a relationship. Uninspired date night is no better than no date night at all.
You shouldn’t stop dating your life partner. You should just think bigger. Make date night a date week. Do it once a quarter, or even once a year. The key is to do it sparingly enough so that it is special and eventful every time you do it.
If you really can’t find the time to make it happen, try playing hooky from work and having a forbidden date day right in the middle of the week. One sick day and a steaming bowl of chicken soup can do wonders for a sparkless marriage.
Stop Trying So Hard
Here’s the hard but necessary truth: You are not 18 anymore. You are not supposed to feel at 48 the same way you did at 18. Matured love is not the same as a childish crush. It may be less exciting. But it is much deeper and more reliable.
Falling smarter in love is more valuable than being more passionately in love. Smart love is not ruled by the strongest emotion you happen to be having at the time. It values financial stability and security over an ill-advised cruise you will never pay off.
It very well may be that the boring, middle-aged couple two tables to your left is the one with the richer, more lasting love. Sparks keep relationships warm. Flames burn them down. To manage the sparks by adding luxury to the ordinary, exchange date night for date week, or date day, and cherish the mature flavor of love that only comes with time.